Ephemeral
by Kiba aru Tenshi
Summary: Tomo's reflections about Nakago and his life as he dies ;_;


All right, I suppose I was just in a "mood" so I slapped this story together pretty quickly ^_^; it's not much and it's pretty short, but it's Tomo's reflections about Nakago as he dies. Now...I know a lot of people hate Tomo but he happens to be my favorite Seiryuu seishi .   
  
All of this said please enjoy this short work of mine. ^_^ I was considering writing more stories about the Seiryuu when I got bored with always writing about the Genbu and Byakko  
(Arigatou to the Angemon no miko, who did some proofreading ^_^;;)  
  
byakkokokie@aol.com  
  
  
-Ephemeral-  
  
  
There was so much behind those icy eyes that you never let on, that you never revealed. To the world you were the heartless tyrant whose only pleasures were to kill and cause pain. A masochist, a sadist. If the possibly of a devil was even still fathomable, then you must have been its incarnation. To them you had no heart, no emotions, an empty vessel of hate, and perhaps that was what years of repression had brought you to.  
  
But that was not how you had always been, I once knew a very different man.  
  
The sting of misfortune has an array of affects on people, your response was to pull away, and maybe, all things considered, that was wisest. Still, a child that lacks that partnership with animals because he was bitten once by a rabid dog and since then a has kept a distance from all animals, misses out on the love and affection bestowed by all those creatures that are not afflicted with that disease. Silly man, was it more desirable, in your eyes...to become what you loathed as opposed to seeking to abolish it. Your life became the epitome of irony, if only I had reached you sooner...  
  
The day our paths crossed was rainy, much like today, the day we were forever separated. I watched the clouds as I neared the Kutou palace, it was mid afternoon yet the sky was an inky gray as the sun hid bashfully behind clouds that dared to stretch their fingers across the horizon. As I presented myself to the emperor as the Seiryuu seishi Tomo, I had no idea of what kind of future lay before me. Then I looked up and into your serpentine eyes...is it possible that one's life could in instant become bleak and brighten at the same time? For while my happiness and joy had been killed along with my old identity, Ruo Chuin, and I was forced to travel along a path of emptiness and deceit, I was allowed to travel along that path with you.  
  
I will never know if you felt betrayed or elated when I cornered you with information on your past that I had learned from Shin, betrayed that your carefully guarded secrets had leaked out, or elated that finally somehow knew about, and understood your pain. It was that moment that we were bonded emotionally, though I could sense your reluctance, the moment I empathized with you and promised you I would stand by you and your decisions.   
  
And I did, I trailed along but a pace behind as you slowly slid along the downward spiral that led only to destruction. I never questioned, never conflicted with your orders, only carried them out to the best of my abilities. You never thanked me, but I know on some level you appreciated me. I was an equal in your eyes, that was all I could ever ask for.   
  
You were no vacant, soulless monster...you were human, and you were in pain, but one couldn't possibly expect -them- to understand that. Those pathetic Suzaku who considered death to be the worst of fates, they had never experienced a life of decay like we had. Often I wished for death to envelope me, as I'm sure your idol thoughts carried to that as well, but like so many I never had the courage to end my wretched life on my own.  
  
...Why then, now, darkened by death's shadow, do I fear it instead of embrace it?  
  
Because through the years, the trials and triumphs you and I had faced, there was some tiny sliver of my heart that always felt you would say the words I had uttered only a million times in my illusions.  
  
(I love you)  
  
You never did, the best offer I had ever been given was a hint of a smile gracing your face. It was so out of place, and it rarely happened, but when it did those icy blue eyes seemed to melt a degree or two, and I saw traces of that man you had abandoned much like I had Chuin. I hungered for those bits of affection, and soon it became the only thing I lived for, of course I had always lived only for you...but after awhile I seemed only to live for that which you would never surrender.  
  
Your love.  
  
Perhaps if I had had the gall to admit my undying love for you, things would have been different. For better or for worse it would have changed our relationship, but perhaps that was why I never admitted to you the truth...because I feared the result would only be decline in the flimsy connection we shared. I wanted things to change but at a paradox I prayed it would stay the same.   
  
The physical wounds that gape on my body only trace along the ones that have been running deeper for quite some time, and no amount of wishing will rid me of either...  
  
My only remaining wish is that you were here with me now, as the pain ebbs my fingers are loosening their grip on life. I feel so cold...if only your arms were here to banish that chill, but I alone...the same in death as I was in life.  
  
In these final moments I feel more humanity than my entire life as a Seiryuu clumped together, hot water streaks down my cheeks and smears my makeup. Could these be tears? It has been so long since I cried, and through my dying vision I can see it unnerves those that stand by and watch me die. They didn't expect to see me cry, they expected a smile to grace my lips in death...to seal their conviction of what they had always been so sure of.  
  
That I was a monster.  
  
I feel my mouth moving, but I cannot remember ordering to do them as such. My body gives a final shudder as I manage to whisper "I love you...Nakago."  
  
No, you will never hear those words, but saying them aloud...freed the weights that were chained to my soul, and unchained I was able to once and for all end my tortured existence.  
  
For the better part of my life, Nakago...you had been my angel. Now I will finally get a chance to be your's.  



End file.
